It’s almost midnight. The darkness brings peace but I’ve had enough. I can’t be bothered with looking at anything else, the tv holds no interest in facts it’s constant noise just drives me insane. I’ll pop a pill and I know I’ll be asleep in about 30 mins. What to do for those thirty mins – I’ll have a read through twitter maybe … no can’t concentrate on that so I’ll just lay here and cry a bit more.
I’m awake …. oh shit it’s only like 3.40am. Strongest pills on the market and they can’t even knock me out for the night. Right well I guess I’ll go and have a wee and then pop another pill to knock me out again. Must be something I can distract myself with for half hour …. yeah crying!
For fuck sake I am awake again! It’s now 8.10am. I have a whole day of not existing, a whole day of nothingness, not a souls to text or talk to, no purpose in life and a head full of memories and questions. Who gives a fuck lets take another pill. Check the email whilst that’s taking effect – just the usual junk! Nothing else but to lay here and wait for sleep to take me again.
Oh please lord can you make these tablets last any longer – just gone 12 and I am back with it. Don’t even bother, whack another pill down my throat. I’m so groggy from the last lot I drift in and out of consciousness for a bit.
About 4 pm I am awake again . These tablets are 1 a day and I’ve already taken 4 today. I need to chase the supplier and get another load shipped in before I run out, check in with solicitors and see how Sally’s is coping so I best get it together for an hour or so.
By 6pm I’ve done what you had to do and now I am left to my memories again. Nothing has happened. No one has noticed that I wasn’t on this earth today just the same as they won’t tomorrow. Fuck it where are the sleeping pills! Night all
That is generally how Lisa lives her life and I can attestify to that. Until her arrest she hasn’t been awake for more than an hour a day since 8th October – that’s almost a month and this is the only way she can cope with life right now. The doctors know but have no power to do anything. They are waiting for her to die as they actually can’t help her.
I went to see her last week and this is what I found …
This is the concoction sitting beside her bed for when she is ready. She also has a box of other meds which she says are the ones she needs to take an hour before these to make sure she isn’t sick and she is asleep.
Doctors are powerless as she has full mental capacity so it is her choice.
I’m very scared but nothing I can do.
Until next time people, look after each other. One of us won’t be here tomorrow. God bless x